It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
