i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
