great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
