Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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