I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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