i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
