I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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