its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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