You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
