my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
