Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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