I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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