your room smells of hookers.
And success
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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