She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You made out with two different species that night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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