Having a random hookup so left but love u
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
