JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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