I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
