so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
