Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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