my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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