At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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