so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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