so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
