i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
