i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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