I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
