You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
