Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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