I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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