Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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