i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
