I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
