i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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