Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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