3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
