All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
