Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
