Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
