Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
