he puts the penis in happiness.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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