he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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