I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
