if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
