Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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