Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
