he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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