he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
