i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
