You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
