Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
