I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
