are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she smelled like a LAN party
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
