am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
