I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
