please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
