Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it's like heaven, but drunker
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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