I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
