If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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