Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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